8/12/08

Having a baby in Israel? The good and the bad?

Having a baby in Israel?

A c-section?

Kaplan hospital, in Rehovot (Rechovot)

A review of some sort, can by typed up.

If you are having your first delivery in Israel, and have given birth in a nice hospital in USA, then you are in for a shock.

If anyone would like to hear my story, let me know. And I'll fill this in.

The good and the bad!

So for now, to put the 'long' story short,

             It's a GIRL!          It's a GIRL!        It's a GIRL!

We wish a Mazel Tov to Little Leah, born on June 2, 2008.

Welcome little Leah. She has a 3 3/4 year old brother and a 2 year old sister. They love her! Baruch Hashem!

8/19/07

UNDERSTANDING CULTURE PART THREE

UNDERSTANDING CULTURE PART THREE

By: Katrina Jacobs

This is the third article in the series on Israeli culture. I touches upon issues differences in the understanding of concepts such as time, authority and rules.

John Cleese once observed that the English go to extraordinary lengths to avoid embarrassing situations. For Israelis, rather than embarrassment, the thing to be avoided at all costs is being a ‘frier’.

The term ‘frier’, although it may sound like an oil-smothered sunbather on a Tel Aviv beach or someone skilled in the art of falafel making, actually refers to a person who allows himself to be taken advantage of – a ‘sucker’. The ‘frier’ concept, so central to the Israeli mindset, does not exist in isolation but can clearly be related to the perception of rules within Israeli culture. This article, the final in the ‘Understanding Culture’ series, explores how Anglo-Saxons and Israelis differ in relation to their orientations towards rules, time and authority. Although differences on these three parameters are subtler than those concerning communication and boundaries (reviewed in article two), they are still capable of creating considerable cultural collisions. The following article describes real-life anecdotes to illustrate the impact of the differing cultural preferences and presents some practical tips to help new immigrants and visitors to Israel better understand and interact with Israeli culture.

RULES

Cultures vary greatly in their attitude towards rules. Certain cultures consider rules to be fixed and to be followed no matter what, whereas others view rules as mere guidelines to be tested where possible and necessary. Israeli culture, unlike most Anglo-Saxon cultures, falls firmly into the latter category and the consequences of this orientation touch many aspects of Israeli daily life. Anyone who has spent time in Israel is likely to have experienced at least one of the following scenarios: Getting to the front of the queue at the deli counter only to have someone behind you shout out their order loudly completely ignoring the fact that you were there first; indicating to overtake on the road only to be met by a car in the fast lane suddenly accelerating towards you with lights flashing ensuring that you drop any thought of overtaking them; Being told by a taxi driver that he doesn’t use the meter (contrary to legal requirements) and being offered a ‘fixed’ price that is notably higher than it should be.

These examples represent only a small fraction of the endless list of events that can lead someone new to Israel to conclude that Israelis are inconsiderate and will try to rip you off at every opportunity. Although I confess to having briefly accepted this view whilst in the depths of culture shock, I now understand that the majority of Israelis are not dishonest but do have a distinctly different view of rules from my own. I was brought up with the general assumption that the system exists to serve the people and view those who take advantage of the system as basically reprehensible. Israelis, in general, consider the system e.g. banks, government offices etc., to work against them and therefore have a greater respect for those who cleverly play the system, and often view people who follow every rule to their detriment as naïve.

This orientation leads to a situation where most things in Israel are considered flexible and up for negotiation. Jumping queues, parking outside of the specified lines, driving a ‘little’ faster than the legal limits, asking a service assistant to let you in even though the shop sign clearly states ‘closed’, are all common practice in Israel - if you can get away with it then it’s certainly worth a try, even if you are slightly ‘bending’ the rules.

Although all these behaviours may sound rather negative to the Anglo-Saxon cultural perspective, the characteristic of being open to testing the rules also has a positive side. Not all rules/systems are necessarily smart or relevant – many are established in one context yet applied illogically to another. Being able to comfortably question things and find better alternatives to the current system can often have great value. The huge success of Israel’s hi-tech industry may be, at least in part, attributed to this cultural orientation. Israeli technicians and scientists are respected the world-over for their ability to challenge existing systems and protocols and find innovative and effective solutions. In fact, Israelis often view cultures that rigidly follow every rule as ‘square’, inflexible, and lacking in initiative.

TIME

Another cultural parameter where Israelis generally differ from their Anglo-Saxon counterparts is in their orientation towards time. The following experience offers some insight into how different assumptions about time can lead to misunderstandings.

Following the classic interview workshop tips, I arrived five minutes early, well groomed and fully prepared (or so I thought) for my first job interview in Israel. Yossi, the Human Resources Manager, arrived 10 minutes late without apology, introduced himself briefly then plunged into questioning me about my previous work. As I opened my mouth to answer, Yossi’s phone rang and he signalled for me to wait while he answered. When the call ended, I continued with my answer and the interview flowed for ten minutes. At this point, a secretary entered the room, placed a pile of letters on Yossi’s desk and asked for his signature ‘dahoof’ (‘urgently’). He took the papers and began to read and sign them whilst simultaneously asking me questions and nodding at my responses. Five minutes later, Yossi interrupted the interview again by calling the secretary to collect the papers. We then continued for another ten minutes and just as I wanted to ask some questions, Yossi’s wife rang on his mobile phone. He told me that he had to leave now to collect his children but indicated that he would be in touch soon to arrange a second interview.

A second interview - but why? Why would he want to give me a second interview when he clearly showed little interest or respect towards my candidacy in the first? Furthermore, why would I want another interview – if Yossi’s unprofessional approach was a reflection of how the company operated, I wouldn’t want to work there anyway. Looking back on my UK experience, I was offended by Yossi’s unwillingness to give me 20 minutes of uninterrupted time and had been quick to assume that he did not take me seriously. These assumptions may have been fair had the interview been in London, New York, Sydney or Cape Town. I was, however, missing one simple fact – I was in Israel and the rules of the game are just … different.

The Israeli orientation to time, as with communication, has a far greater tolerance for interruptions compared to many Anglo-Saxon cultures. They tend to be multi-focused in there approach to time. Unlike linear cultures that prefer to focus on one task, complete it then move onto the next, Israelis are generally happy dealing with numerous tasks or projects simultaneously. In addition, Israeli culture has a fluid orientation to time - promptness is appreciated, however a 10-minute delay without apology or explanation is not considered quite the sin that it may be in some other cultures. Changing schedules or plans at short notice is not uncommon. Flexibility is valued and the ability to quickly alter plans in response to new priorities is appreciated. For people who value the ‘plan the work, work the plan’ approach, Israeli planning and time management can be trying – seeming more lacking in focus than multi-focused.

The tendency to have a short/medium rather than long-term orientation to time is another aspect of Israeli culture. For the majority of companies in Israel you are more likely to find a 5-month business plan than a 5-year plan (if there is a plan at all!). Social as well as business planning also tend to take a short-term perspective. Whereas in London, you may make social arrangements a week, if not a month, in advance - if you call an Israeli friend to arrange to meet in a café in a week’s time they probably find it odd and suggest that, if available, you pop round for coffee on the spot. This ‘live for the here and now’ approach is quite understandable considering the context of Israeli society as things change so rapidly and no one knows what the future holds, long-terms plans are often redundant.

AUTHORITY

When you walk into a meeting in the UK, the US or South Africa it's usually fairly easy to ascertain who’s in charge. That person may be chairing the meeting, be sitting in an honorary position, and/or be referred to with respect (genuine or otherwise) by others. In Israel, deciphering who’s the boss is often more difficult. Israelis tend to use similar forms of address and tone whether speaking to the lowest or highest member of an organisation. Furthermore, challenging of authority is largely accepted and even respected rather than seen as disrespectful as it is in many Anglo-Saxon cultures.

These behaviours can be largely related to the equalitarian nature of Israeli culture. Social status is less influential than in hierarchical, class-conscious cultures - ability and drive (not to mention a few good connections) are more likely to determine success than educational or social background. Another impact of this orientation is that as a teacher or manager, you will be expected to earn your authority from the outset rather than have it automatically bestowed upon you due to your assigned position.

Although one can argue that this approach may be fairer, the resulting ease with which Israelis challenge hierarchy and authority is often misinterpreted as inappropriate and arrogant. When interacting with Israelis, particularly in a work environment, people from Anglo-Saxon cultures often find the mixture of the Israeli norms regarding rules, time and authority (not to mention direct communication and close boundaries!) rather disconcerting and often question its efficiency.

STRATEGIES FOR INTERACTING WITH ISRAELIS

The issue is not whether Israeli cultural orientations increase efficiency or otherwise - as with all cross-cultural comparisons there is no right or wrong way. What does exist, however, are more or less effective ways of interacting across cultures. As mentioned in the previous article, a key starting point for effective interactions is to be aware of your own culture orientations relative to Israeli norms and to resist applying your cultural assumptions in the Israeli context. The following general tips, related to rules, time and authority, can be very effective for interactions in Israel.

1. Be aware rules are not always fixed – if you are not comfortable with something that is presented to you, try to negotiate an alternative.

2. Stand your ground – ‘don’t be a frier’- don’t let others take advantage, if you feel that your rights are being undermined then stand firm. If someone pushes in or is clearly charging an unreasonable rate then feel free to question it assertively (it’s more likely to be expected than rejected).

3. Prepare for changes to plans and schedules – try to be flexible, take mobile phones/books to meetings so if delayed you can use the time productively. Don’t automatically interpret changes as a personal insult.

4. Feel free to challenge authority – if something is suggested that you are uncomfortable with or disagree with then make your objections to the issue clear – ideally offering a reasonable alternative at the same time.

5. Don’t be put off by being challenged – it often reflects interest more than disrespect. Respond assertively to having your authority or ideas questioned and avoid taking offence – it’s unlikely to be intended.

It is important, at this point, to re-iterate the fact that when dealing with cultures one can only talk in generalizations. Clearly not every Israeli fits the cultural pattern outlined above but in general, these trends have been repeatedly observed. Likewise not all of the tips are suited to everyone or every context. They are, however, of value for people who struggle with Israeli interactions and want to explore different responses that may be more effective than their current ones. Some new immigrants show concern or even disgust at the prospect of picking up some of the challenging, corner-cutting, and rule-bending Israeli cultural tendencies. Though some of side effects of these ways can be disastrous e.g. Israeli traffic accidents, these very same traits can and have enabled remarkable achievements and developments such as seen in the Israeli hi-tech, medical science, irrigation world.
 

UNDERSTANDING CULTURE PART TWO

By: Katrina Jacobs

“Israelis simply do not have the same concept of ‘minding one’s own business’ as other nations have. In Israel, everything and everybody is everyone else’s business. If Israelis keep their bedroom windows closed while being intimate, it is for fear of being shouted at with neighborly advice. The Xenophobe’s® Guide to The Israelis (i)

How we define ‘one’s business,’ and personal boundaries in general, is largely determined by our culture. In the first ‘Understanding Culture’ article, some key characteristics of culture were described and the issue of boundaries was introduced as a cultural parameter together with communication, time, rules and authority. This second article takes a closer look at the Israeli cultural orientation towards communication and personal boundaries and will be followed by a third article focusing on time, rules and authority. In both these articles real-life anecdotes are shared to illustrate the consequences of cultural differences and strategies are offered to help avoid, or at least manage, the ‘challenges’ that often occur when Anglo-Saxons interact with Israelis.

<strong>COMMUNICATION STYLE – ‘Why didn’t you ask?’</strong>

My first job in Israel was a 3-month research project for a local consulting firm. Despite the pay being negligible, especially when comparing it to my previous UK salary (a most inadvisable endeavor), I was happy to find work in my field. Furthermore, I was pleased with the offer of a desk, computer, and secretarial support throughout the project. When I started, I was informed that for the first few days I should use whatever computer was free until I was given my own workstation. After a couple of weeks, no workstation had been assigned and I was already doing all my administration work myself rather than approaching the ‘less-than-obliging’ secretaries for help. After 3 months, I was still jumping between different consultants' computers and felt utterly dejected by the whole work experience. As such, I was somewhat surprised when in our final project meeting my manager offered me more work. I thanked him politely yet replied that I would rather not continue with the firm given the poor conditions and lack of support. My manager looked at me completely amazed and asked in a confused tone ‘if you wanted support, why didn’t you ask?’

This was my first lesson in the rules of Israeli communication… if you want something - ask! Simple indeed, yet at this point in my acculturation I was still ‘terribly English’ and felt uncomfortable asking for anything for fear of appearing demanding. I interpreted the lack of promised support as disrespectful and unprofessional whereas my manager, who in hindsight was a good employer, had simply been too busy to check up on the workstation issue and assumed that, as he had not heard to the contrary, I must have been happy.

Differences in communication style are the cause of many cultural conflicts between Israeli and non-Israelis. Israelis prefer to communicate in a way that is direct – very direct. Interests are mostly expressed in terms of ‘I want’ or ‘I need’ and more indirect phrases such as ‘Would it be possible’ or ‘It would nice if…’ may well be misinterpreted, if not missed completely. Likewise, a difference in opinion may well be expressed simply as ‘You’re wrong’ rather than using the more subtle approach of ‘In my opinion…’ or ‘You may be right, but…’ Although directness may seem crude, tactless and even arrogant to those of an indirect persuasion, in Israel, it is very much the accepted and appreciated norm. Furthermore, Israelis often view indirectness as difficult to read and unnecessarily polite and prefer it when people just clearly say what they think (even if it is informing you that your thighs are fat!).(ii)

Another aspect of Israeli communication is its tendency to be very expressive. A friendly discussion can quickly develop into a passionate verbal exchange with participants shouting and waving their arms in the air. Those unaccustomed to Israeli expressiveness would be forgiven for running for cover or expecting a punch-up to break out at any second. In reality, it is extremely rare for arguments to turn into physical fights and more often than not they end with smiles and friendly slaps on the back. It is often said that ‘arguing’ is an Israeli’s favorite pastime - though this may be a slight exaggeration, Israelis do value greatly the open expression of opinions. Unlike the English who tend to keep their emotions reserved and often avoid sharing an opinion that would create conflict, Israelis generally enjoy a good ‘discussion’ and will happily join in – even with complete strangers and on matters that they know little, if anything, about.

Israeli non-verbal communication (e.g. speech patterns, volume) also has its own cultural distinctiveness. Anglo-Saxon cultures generally have a preference for conversing using ‘paralleling’ speech – one person speaks and when s/he finishes the next person starts and then when they finish someone else continues, etc. Israelis tend to demonstrate ‘overlapping’ speech patterns – where one person speaks and before they have finished another person starts and so on and so forth. It is far from uncommon to observe discussions in Israel where everyone appears to be talking at the same time. Where many cultures may be very sensitive to interruptions and consider them to be rude, in Israel, interruptions are quite normal.

In relation to volume, visitors to Israel often comment that Israelis talk loudly. The issue of loudness, however, is not clear-cut and appears to depend on context. During one-to-one conversation Israelis generally do not speak more loudly than other Anglo-Saxon cultures. However, being very expressive, Israelis often do raise their voices when telling stories or arguing, and when in groups, conversation can be impressively noisy relative to other cultures (necessary perhaps to be heard above all the interruptions). Also when two parties are standing far apart, it is quite normal for Israelis to shout from a distance - whether it is across a busy street, a crowded bus, or even an office full of working people - rather than move closer and talk quietly. This trait, however, relates as much to the cultural parameter of personal boundaries as it does to communication style, as explored below.

<strong>PERSONAL BOUNDARIES – what is considered private, and what public?</strong>

As the opening quote indicates, Israeli culture is not one that adheres to strict boundaries – either in terms of personal privacy or physical space. In the US or UK, questions about marital status in a work interview is rare and would likely be interpreted as inappropriate, if not illegal. In Israel, such personal questions are really quite normal, particularly if the interviewer happens to have a single friend or relative that they want find a ‘shidduch’ for. Other issues considered to be strictly private in Anglo-Saxon cultures (e.g. salaries, house/rent prices, personal relationships, even plastic surgery) tend to be acceptable subjects for public discussion in Israel.

When you enter a taxi in New York or London, you can almost guarantee that the conversation, if any, will focus on one or more of the following subjects: weather, sport, news, or general chit-chat about the area from which you have been picked up or that to which you are going. Acceptable topics are neutral and impersonal so as not to be intrusive and to avoid, at all cost, any items which may create a feeling of discomfort or embarrassment. Conversations with Israeli taxi-drivers tend to follow a distinctly more personal track with questions typically including: reasons for being in Israel, work (and salary), family in Israel, marital status (if you are not married – why, and if you are married but not pregnant – why not!). These questions are not considered particularly intrusive or offensive in the way they would be in the US or UK. In many respects Israelis treat everyone as if they are family and personal questions are viewed as being friendly, showing interest or just making conversation – nothing more, nothing less.

Physical, as well as personal, boundaries are also far less defined than they are in many other cultures. Israelis generally are very comfortable being in close proximity to each other. When using a cash machine or ‘queuing’ at the supermarket it is not uncommon to turn around and find yourself literally face-to-face with the person behind you. When clothes shopping, be aware that private changing cubicles are rarely private – assistants often enter unannounced to offer their opinion or readjust your outfit, and when you leave the cubicle momentarily, you frequently return to find another customer changing clothes amongst your items. Noise boundaries are also less restricted in Israel. Shouting across a crowded space (as previously mentioned), talking loudly on mobile phones or listening to music full volume in a public park, although unlikely to be appreciated, will generally not be considered as disturbing, rude or inconsiderate as it would in many other cultures.

People greatly differ in their response to Israeli comfort with limited boundaries and communication style. Some find the directness and ‘lack’ of personal boundaries simply shocking and can’t wait to get on the next flight out of Ben Gurion – for others, the Israeli ways are refreshingly honest, spontaneous and warm. If you find yourself falling more into the former than latter of this two categories, the strategies outlined below may well help improve your interactions with Israelis.

<strong>STRATEGIES FOR INTERACTING WITH ISRAELIS</strong>

The starting point for any effective interaction in Israel is to be aware of your own cultural orientations relative to Israeli norms. Where differences exist, it is important to resist applying your cultural assumptions to the Israeli context e.g. although you may interpret a personal question as intrusive, the Israeli asking may well just be trying to make friendly conversation with no offence intended. The more we can view an interaction from both perspectives, the easier it is to find suitable responses. In general, the following approaches to Israeli interactions can be very effective.

1. Be more direct – don’t wait to be asked, clearly communicate your needs and interests. Be assertive (which doesn’t equate with being aggressive) and if you have a reasonable request, express it plainly and unapologetically.

2. Be more expressive – if you want someone to understand how your feel, do not be afraid to show your emotions. Whatever the message - approval, disapproval, desire or disgust – avoid using subtle hints or suggestions.

3. Do not be intimidated by expressive reactions – Israelis may well shout about something emotionally one minute and have forgotten about it the next – avoid worrying too much about arguments or taking them too much to heart.

4. Learn to interrupt where necessary – if you have got something you want to say, don’t wait for a pause in the conversation or you may never speak.

5. Use humor – if asked about subjects that you are not comfortable, offer evasive answers or throw the subject back using humor. Try to keep things in perspective and avoid taking great offence – Israelis often view such a response as being inexplicably heavy.

Every person and situation is different and there is no one ‘best’ strategy for any interaction. It is important for people who struggle with Israeli interactions to try different strategies and attempt to find ones which are both effective and yet still allow them to feel comfortable. You do not have to become ‘more Israeli than the Israelis’ to do well in Israel but you may have to use responses that differ from your normal default. Though it can feel strange at first (e.g. being more direct), if effective, you will be motivated to use the different approach again and before long it will become quite automatic. It is definitely worth trying different responses – one thing you can be sure of if someone is not happy with your behavior, in Israel - they will be sure to let you know.

Understanding Culture Part 1

Understanding Culture Part 1

By: Katrina Jacobs

After providing a basic definition of culture and its influences on us, this article outlines the basic Israeli cultural orientation with suggestions for how to orient oneself more successfully to the cultural reality in Israel.

After completing Ulpan Etzion, I courageously left the familiarity of Jerusalem to find work in Tel Aviv. Having grown up in the UK, I was excited by the prospect of moving near a sunny beach and decided to buy a bikini to celebrate. I entered a shop on Ibn Gvirol where the sales assistant, busy talking on her mobile phone and writing in a book, acknowledged my presence by nodding and shaking her hand in the direction of the costumes.

I picked out a bikini and went behind the curtain in the corner to try it on. Whilst in the middle of changing, the assistant put her head through the curtain offering help and insisting that I come out of the ‘cubicle’ to look in the mirror. I felt somewhat uncomfortable exposing my bikini-clad body in middle of the shop (and to all of Ibn Gvirol through the large glass window) but ventured out, as there appeared to be no other choice.

Looking at my reflection, I heard the assistant make a loud tutting sound. Then, without warning, she grabbed the bikini bottom lifting it higher on my leg and placed her hand down my bikini top to re-adjust its position. Shaking her head she then pointed to my thighs and said, with a genuinely sympathetic tone, ‘I’m fat there too’. Astounded by the assistant’s ‘helpfulness’, I rushed to get dressed and leave the shop quickly, politely declining the offers of more flattering costumes.

Rude or honest, intrusive or helpful, humiliating or entertaining - what would be your reaction to this shopping experience? Having previously bought swimwear only in the comfort of Marks and Spencer’s, I was personally horrified. I left the shop asking myself if it was practical to live in Israel yet do all my clothes shopping on visits to the UK or should I simply never wear a swimming costume again for fear of offending passers-by with my thighs?

Had I had more experience in Israel I may have understood that the assistant’s directness was much more to do with culture than it was to do with clothes size. In fact many elements of this story reflect cultural orientations. The unannounced cubicle entrance and costume re-adjustment are classic examples of Israel concept of personal space (or lack of it) whereas I saw it as intrusive boarding on physical molestation. Even the assistant’s reception, nodding to me whilst talking on her phone and writing, illustrates the strong tendency of Israelis to multi-task and may not have just been bad customer service as I initially judged.

Understanding culture offers us an opportunity to better interpret the daily interactions we have living in Israel. This article, the first of the ‘Understanding Culture’ series, offers an introduction to culture and Israeli cultural orientations and describes briefly how to assess whether your cultural profile is likely to clash or be compatible with Israeli norms.

What is Culture?

Many people think of culture in terms of the behaviours you see among people from a particular country e.g. dress, manners, language, and gestures. This perspective, although partly correct, is too simplistic to capture accurately the key characteristics of culture.

Firstly, culture is expressed at different levels. The behaviours that we first notice when arriving in Israel only represent the outer cultural layer. Culture not only influences how we dress, speak, act but more importantly how we view the world - what we consider to be normal and abnormal, what behaviours we reward and which we reject. These cultural assumptions and values, which we cannot see and are usually not even aware of, underlie much of our culturally determined behaviour. For example, the Israeli tendency to express opinions and emotions, a clearly visible behaviour, reflects the hidden assumption in Israel that expressive communication is better, or at least more effective, than being reserved.

Secondly, culture is a group not a national phenomenon. We are influenced by the national culture of the country where we grow up, however, other groups to which we belong also impact our cultural identity e.g. being Jewish, belonging to a youth movement, professional group, social class etc. You may find that despite the vast cultural differences you have with some Israelis, they may be others with similar religious, interest or youth group affiliations that you have much in common with despite growing up in different countries.

Another common misperception is that culture is inherited where, in fact, it is learnt. No Israeli is born with a gene that dictates they should drive at lightning speed and never let another driver overtake. Cultural values and assumptions are learnt at an early age from our social surroundings - we are taught what will be effective and valued in the environment that we live. On making Aliyah we suddenly find that the rules of the game have changed - what worked in our previous culture is often ineffective or even disrespected in Israel.

Take the issue of attention to details. I was educated to thoroughly check the appearance of a piece of work before presenting it. This trait, which was highly valued when I worked in Britain, was suddenly redefined as ‘unnecessarily precise’ and ‘ineffectively slow’ in Israel where the content and speed of delivery is valued more than the aesthetics. Just take a look at English menus in Israel - do they really mean to offer ‘pee sop’ (pea soup) or ‘pie-nipple’ tart (pineapple). Where I found menu spelling astonishing, my Israeli friends couldn’t relate. In their opinion if the general idea is clear, why waste time on the finer details.

Another thing worth noting is that one’s culture, at least the deeper levels, is difficult to change. We can easily modify our outer behaviours e.g. wearing jeans to work rather than suits; however, our values and assumptions are firmly rooted. I know many olim from Britain (where queuing is a national pastime) who say they still have a reflex rise in blood pressure when someone pushes in front of them despite having lived in Israel for decades.

So should we just give up hope? If we are always going to be tied to the culture that we grew up with can we ever survive and enjoy Israeli culture? The answer, I believe, is yes. You don’t have to become more Israeli than the Israelis to be effective in Israel. What is important is to be aware of Israeli cultural orientations in order that we can more accurately interpret our interactions with Israelis and respond appropriately.

Israeli Cultural Orientations

Some people argue that the mix of different subcultures in Israel is so great that it is impossible to talk of a single Israeli culture. There are, however, a number of cultural orientations that have been identified by comparing the attitudes and assumptions of groups from Israel with like groups from around the world e.g. comparing Israeli IBM employees with similar IBM employees from different countries. From the many cultural orientations identified, five orientations are highlighted below describing key areas where Israeli culture tends to differ quite substantially relative to cultures of many Anglo-Saxon countries.

Before reading on it is essential to note that the orientations below reflect tendencies within Israeli culture relative to other cultures and are generalizations rather than hard and fast rules true for all Israelis. It is also important to understand that although it is easy to be ethnocentric (view the characteristics of our own group as superior to others) there is no absolute right or wrong when it comes to culture. Cultures develop to meet the needs of the particular group and environment and where some orientations may be more effective than others in certain contexts it doesn’t make them universally better.

Communication Style

Israeli culture tends to be very direct, expressive and informal in their communication style. Israeli ‘dugri’ (straight talk) is world famous with Israelis winning the global prize for saying what they think whatever the circumstances. This style can be interpreted as refreshingly honest, to the point, spontaneous and warm. However people coming from cultures that tend to favour indirect, reserved and more formal communication often view the way that Israelis communicate as rude, tactless, inappropriate and arrogant.

Personal Boundaries

Israelis tends to be very comfortable with limited personal boundaries both in terms of physical space and personal privacy. The fact that someone may almost stand on top of you at the cash dispenser or ask questions about your love life and salary on a first encounter is quite normal in Israel. As a person who likes to keep her private life private and is quite happy to avoid excessive physicality with strangers (especially during Israeli summers), this orientation can take some getting used to.

Time

Israelis tend to have a multi-focused, fluid approach to time. They have a natural ability to do many things simultaneously e.g. discussing business deals on mobile phones in the park while eating lunch and entertaining their kids on a climbing frame. Israelis also prefer to deal flexibly with issues as they arise rather than having a ‘plan the work, work the plan’ attitude. For cultures that prefer to deal with one thing at a time and value fixed schedules and appointments, the Israeli alternative approach to time management can sometimes seem disorganised and unprofessional.

Rules

Where some cultures view rules as utterly fixed and always to be followed, Israelis tend to see rules more as general guidelines to be tested where necessary. Understanding the concept of ‘frier’ (sucker) is central to survival in Israel. In contrast to my ‘serve and obey’ school motto, the Israeli ‘don’t be a frier’ motto respects those that cleverly play the system but lacks sympathy for people who allow themselves to be taken advantage of. When it comes to the rules of parking, queuing, ‘fixed prices’ etc everything is up for negotiation.

Authority

Israeli culture tends to view people equally rather than give special treatment according to status. In some countries class dictates who you are and where your appropriate place in society lies. In Israel everyone feels they have the right to do what they want and to express an opinion (or three) - road sweeper and powerful CEO alike. Although honourably equalitarian, the resulting ease with which Israelis challenge hierarchy and authority is often misinterpreted as inappropriate, arrogant or disrespectful.

Culture Clash or Cultural Compatibility

To what extent do these cultural orientations sound familiar from your Israeli experience? For many olim, every item has a deafening ring of truth about it - other olim, however, find certain orientations familiar yet others less so. As mentioned before, everyone has their own cultural profile and it may not necessarily reflect the orientations of the national culture where they grew up. How similar your personal (rather than your national) cultural profile is to the Israeli profile defines the extent to which you are likely to clash or be compatible with Israel culture.

If you struggled with the excessive formality, uptight politeness and the strict privacy characteristic of your previous culture you may well find the informality, spontaneity and warmth of Israel refreshing and compatible with your personal cultural orientations. I, alternatively, felt very comfortable with my English ways when I stepped off the plane at Ben Gurion and was far from prepared for the cultural challenges that lay ahead. Understanding culture enabled me to identify that the clashes that I first experienced in Israel were often cultural and not personal. Furthermore I can now appreciate that many of the ‘Israeli ways’ have value and are more effective in the Israeli context than my previous cultural approach. The honesty of clothing shop assistants that I once found horrific I now find ‘helpful’ even if I do still prefer to bikini shop in Marks and Spencer’s.

Katrina Jacobs is a freelance consultant and trainer with K-Consulting providing professional cross-cultural services to individuals and organisations in both the private and public sector.
 

Culture Shock

By: Katrina Jacobs

The first in a series of three articles, this article looks at the experience of crossing cultures, particularly as it relates to aliyah. You will learn: what culture shock is, what causes it, and tips for how it can be managed.

Two years after moving to Israel, when even simple activities such as going to the bank or supermarket still presented a formidable challenge to my patience and sanity, I began to seriously question my Aliyah. Had I missed the Habonim camp where they taught us that in Israel the ‘bureaucracy game’ is in fact no game at all but a daily reality? Where was I during the Wizo coffee morning that discussed ‘Israeli warmth - intrusive questioning about marital status - often by complete strangers’?

With the comfort and efficiency of England very much in mind, I decided that life was too short to invest all my energy fighting Israeli landlords, employers, and drivers, and I began planning my return to the UK. The international company that I worked for agreed to transfer my job to the UK but requested that, while still overseas, I research and develop a relocation service to help expatriates deal with cultural transitions.

Despite having moved cultures myself, this project was the first time that I was really exposed to the concept of culture and its impact on how we view and interact with different cultures. Through cross-cultural research I discovered that many of my negative perceptions of Israelis were not wholly accurate and I was, in fact, suffering from a severe case of culture shock - a normal process that all people go through when crossing cultures.

Furthermore, I learnt that with information and practical strategies much can be done to minimize culture shock. The following article offers an insight into the process of crossing cultures, focusing particularly on culture shock - its sources, symptoms, and solutions, to help us deal more effectively with life in Israel.

<strong>What Happens When We Cross Cultures</strong>
Everyone knows that making Aliyah involves moving to a different culture - but few of us actually understand the extent to which cultural gaps can have an impact on our life in Israel. When people move to a different culture they pass through a number of phases called the Cycle of Cross Cultural Adaptation. These phases are outlined below, relating specifically to the experience of new oleh moving to Israel.

The first phase, <strong>Euphoria</strong>, occurs on arrival to a new culture. This period is characterised by feelings of excitement and enthusiasm for new culture and people. Differences are seen as interesting and fun. I sometimes refer to this period as the Absorption Centre stage. Although it may be shorter or longer than the few months spent at a ‘Mercaz Klita,’ (Absorption Center for new immigrants) it is a sheltered and supported time where there is little expectation or need to deal with many of the real challenges inherent in Israeli life.

Unfortunately ‘Euphoria’ tends to be relatively short and is followed by a gradual decline in mood as the new oleh enters <strong>‘Culture Shock.’</strong> This second stage is characterised by a feelings of frustration, confusion, disorientation or just plain incompetence. Olim often feel overwhelmed by newness of sights, sounds, and behaviours that they are confronted with. Although many of the things are not entirely new, they may have a different meaning in Israel relative to our previous culture (e.g. concept of queuing, personal space, eating humus) and our responses don’t always produce expected or wanted results.

As time passes and experience of Israel grows, olim move into <strong>Acculturation</strong> where they learn and adjust to the different norms and values of the new Israeli culture. Language improves enabling more effective communication; there is a reduced feeling of alienation and self-confidence and competence increases. Life in Israel becomes more enjoyable and sense of humour, which often disappears during culture shock, returns.

Last, but by no means least, olim arrive at the final <strong>‘Stable State’ </strong>phase where they feel more stable and settled in Israel. This stage is considered a more permanent level of adjustment where they are able to function effectively and have a more objective, balanced view of the Israeli culture.

Although described separately, in reality, the four phases are not totally distinct, e.g. during Euphoria there can also be moments of disorientation and during Culture Shock one can still experience great highs. One thing often commented on by many olim is the extent and extreme of mood swings during the initial Aliyah period - often they feel a great love for or deep frustration with Israel many times in the space of one day, if not a single hour.

It is also important to note that even though most people pass through the different phases, the length of time spent in each varies greatly depending on an individual’s personality and circumstances. Common to all, however, is the fact that the process of crossing cultures - particularly the ‘make or break’ culture shock phase - can be managed with the correct understanding, motivation and strategies.

<strong>Understanding Culture Shock</strong>
Historically culture shock was documented in medical journals as a debilitating (and potentially terminal!) disease caught by those suddenly transported abroad. Today, culture shock is understood to be a very natural response, a form of stress experienced by people going to live in a new culture.

For many olim (immigrants) - culture shock is neither fully expected nor recognised. After all Israeli culture involves many customs and traditions more closely related to the cultures that we grew up in e.g. Shabbat, Festivals, and Kashrut. Furthermore, most people making Aliyah have visited Israel before, often numerous times, and as such feel they are already familiar with and accustomed to the Israeli ways.

Expectations aside, the experience of living in Israel is often a far cry from relaxing holidays in Tel Aviv or summers on kibbutz. The day-to-day reality regularly involves Israeli ‘dugri’ (e.g. unnecessary comments on your hair when you’re more than aware that you’re having a bad hair day), banking inefficiency, crazy driving - all this and more without even mentioning Betuach Leumi (National Insurance offices) and Misrad Hapanim (Ministry of the Interior) bureaucracy.

Faced with these ‘challenges’ olim often make broad judgements either about the inferiority of the Israeli system or population (‘why can’t they just sort it out!’) or their own personal incompetence (‘why is this person shouting at me - what did I do?’). Without actively looking at culture we fail to see that many of our responses e.g. rejecting the new culture or feeling overwhelmed, are universal reactions to culture shock and not Israel or person specific.

Culture Shock can be understood as a form of stress experienced by people facing the demands of living in a new culture without yet having developed the necessary coping skills. Stress occurs in general when the perceived pressures and demands (e.g. moving house, changing job, going overseas, separation from loved ones) placed upon a person exceed their perceived ability to cope. Given that Aliyah involves many general stressful events plus the additional specific demands of learning a new language and cultural rules, it is hardly surprising that Culture Shock occurs.

How Culture Shock shows itself varies across individuals. Symptoms of Culture Shock frequently reported include: frustration, feeling incompetent, lack of confidence, anger, anxiety, disorientation, withdrawal, loss of identity, role confusion, stomach pains, headaches, tiredness, rejection of Israeli culture and idealisation of the previous culture. Have you ever felt frustrated or stupid for not being able to express yourself clearly in Hebrew or follow the conversation of a group of Israelis? Did you ever want to scream when someone at the deli counter states their order loudly above yours when they clearly arrived after you? How about having exaggerated memories that services are always efficient and people are always polite in your previous culture relative to the backward Israeli systems where everyone is either rude or trying to rip you off. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms to a greater extent than you did prior to moving to Israel then you are likely to be going through Culture Shock.

<strong>Strategies for Managing Culture Shock</strong>
As mentioned, Culture Shock, disturbing as it can feel at times, is not terminal and can be effectively managed. The following practical tips with examples can be helpful in minimizing the negative effects of Culture Shock and speeding up the Acculturation process.

<strong>Manage expectations</strong>

Our expectations affect how we interpret events and what we feel about others and ourselves. Being realistic about what you expect of yourself and believe is expected of you can greatly reduce stress e.g. learning Hebrew takes time - one should not expect to be fluent on the first day - furthermore, Israel as an immigrant country and has an incredibly high tolerance for accents and language imperfections so there is no need to worry about making mistakes.

<strong>Be assertive and communicative</strong>

Being able to express your needs and say no when necessary are essential survival skills for Israeli life. Generally in Israel if you have something to say - you say it. As such, people don’t assume you want or need something unless you communicate it. Clearly stating your interests at the outset tends to be more appreciated and effective than polite hints or subtle gestures. Although it is important to learn Hebrew - English can, at times, also be used very effectively.

<strong>Recognise what can and cannot be controlled</strong>

Or in other words ‘pick your fights’ - it is usually a waste of time and energy to try to change key Israeli systems or ‘educating’ Israelis. Certain things are possible and important to address but it is also important to know when to let things go - in many cases things aren't important or can't or don’t need to be changed (its just our perception coming from a different culture that it would be done better ‘our’ way).

<strong>Develop and maintain social support</strong>

Sharing experiences or just being with people that you feel comfortable with are a huge resource for dealing with culture shock. Often we underestimate the impact of not having the network of friends and family that we grew up with and so it is worth making an extra effort to develop new networks both personally and professionally to feel more settled.

<strong>Establish stability zones</strong>

These are positive routines or habits we have to help us relax, unwind and generally make us feel good. Taking time out each day to do something familiar and enjoyable e.g. listening to music, watching a particular TV programme, taking an exercise class, cooking, art etc can be a wonderful and much needed break from the stress of settling in a new culture.

<strong>Get involved with Israeli culture / learn Hebrew</strong>

Knowledge is power - the more you know the more comfortable you will feel. Tempting as it to withdraw wholly into the comfort zones of our own cultural world - it is essential also to dive into Israeli culture and learn the language. The more you are familiar with the entertainment, music, sport, customs etc. in Israel, the easier it is to enjoy them and feel part of the country.

<strong>Maintain a sense of humour and perspective</strong>

Keeping things in perspective and being able to laugh rather than cry at certain testing situations are both good strategies for dealing with culture shock. Standing back from a scenario and asking ‘Is this my problem? Is this really important?’ can help us see situations as sometimes more funny than frustrating.

Different strategies work for different people. By identifying the things that we find most challenging and finding effective strategies to counteract these, we can pass through Culture Shock and enjoy the many positive aspects of Israeli culture. Understanding more about culture has helped me to change my perspective from a point of extreme frustration and disillusionment to one where I can appreciate all the amazing things about life in crazy country. I’ve now even learnt to supermarket shop with a smile - but I wouldn’t recommend trying to push in front of me.

<em>Katrina Jacobs is a freelance consultant and trainer with K-Consulting providing professional cross-cultural services to individuals and organisations in both the private and public sector.</em>

7/17/07

Barley Stew

From A's kitchen 1 c. barley 1 lg. onion, chopped 2 cloves garlic, chopped 1 t. curry powder 4 slices of fresh ginger 2 carrots chopped 4 stalks of celery chopped 2/3 potatoes peeled and chopped 5 c. water (I usually need to add quite a bit more than this so it's not too thick) I also add one package of cubed tofu and a can of chick peas Place barley in large Pyrex bowl, add water, cover with plastic wrap and nuke for 20 mins. on full power. May need 10 more mins. until barley is cooked. Saute onion, garlic, ginger and curry in nonstick pan. Continue to saute adding the remaining ingredients; bring to a boil and turn to a simmer. Simmer 30-45 mins. until potatoes and carrots are cooked. You may have to add more water. Add salt to taste.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

From A's kitchen

2 1/4 c. whole wheat flour
1 t. baking soda
1 t. salt
3/4 c. olive oil (this is NOT a typo! - this is instead of butter or marg)
2/3 c. peanut butter
1/2 c. white sugar + 1/2 c. brown sugar (can cut this down if it's too sweet)
2 eggs
2 t. vanilla
1 bag white chocolate chips

Bake 325 15-17 mins.

Miracle Custard Pie

From A's kitchen

2 c. milk (can also use soy milk so it's parve)
4 eggs
1/2 c. honey
1/2 c. flour
1/4 c. butter
1 t. vanilla
1/4 t. salt
1 c. shredded coconut

In blender, combine milk, eggs, honey, flour, butter, vanilla, salt. Blend 10 seconds. Stir in coconut. Pour into greased pie plate. Bake in 350 oven 40 mins or until knife comes out clean when inserted in the middle. Serve hot or chilled.

Tuna Pie

From A's kitchen
Ingredients:

2 eggs
3/4 c. milk
1 t. salt
1 T. Worcestershire sauce
1 c. Cheddar cheese
1 T. flour
1 can tuna
chives or parsley

Directions:

Mix eggs, milk, salt, Worcestershire sauce then add cheese, flour, tuna, and chives.
Bake 230 for 15 mins. then at 150 for an additional 1/2 hour. Note: I always double or triple the recipe!

OK, Here It Is....My Kugel Recipe

Creamy Broccoli Kugel From A's kitchen 1 lg bunch broccoli (or bag of frozen broccoli) 3 eggs 3 T. flour 1 1/2 c. stock (I use water with about 1 1/2 T. parve chicken broth powder mixed into it) 1 1/2 t. salt 1/4-1/2 t. pepper 2 T. chopped parsley 1/4 t. grated lemon rind 1 t. lemon juice 1/8 t. nutmeg 1/8 t. dill (fresh is best but can use dried) Cook broccoli in 2 c. boiling salted water until tender. Drain and reserve 1 1/2 cups liquid. Chop broccoli and set aside. Preheat oven to 350. Break eggs into a bowl and beat with flour, reserved liquid and seasonings. Add chopped broccoli and mix again. Pour mixture into a greased 9-inch square pan. Bake for 45 mins.

Secret of Garbage

By Tzvi Fishman

We do not hide the fact that there is a lot of garbage in Israel. There is garbage in the Prime Minister’s office. There is garbage in the Knesset. There is garbage in the Supreme Court, the Justice Department, and in the public educational system. There is garbage in the media. I am not ashamed of the garbage. I am proud of it. The fact that there is a lot of garbage means that there is also a tremendous amount of good.

What is the function of garbage? To help us understand, let’s use the example of food. Garbage is the refuse that is left over from the edible food. For example, garbage is the peel of a banana, or the husk of an orange, or the shell of a pistachio nut. The fruit is eaten and the peel is discarded by throwing it into the trash. Until the banana is ripe, the peel serves to guard it. Though eventually the peel will turn into garbage, it plays a vital function is the development and growth of the fruit.

In a language more eloquent than mine, Rabbi Kook explains that the garbage and evil husks that we see in our time come to guard the budding fruit of Redemption and allow it to develop and grow. On the one hand, the light of Redemption is so powerful, it cannot be revealed all at once. Just as a person cannot stare up at the sun in its zenith, the world would be blinded if G-d were to reveal Himself, in all of His splendor and glory, without any filter or screen.

In this sense, the husks of garbage in Israel, in the many forms they assume, serve to shield the world from the great growing light of Redemption within, until the proper vessels are built, so that we can become gradually used to the light. These vessels are things like prophecy, the Sanhedrin, the Beit HaMikdash, and the Kingship of David, for which we all dream. Precisely because people lack the vessels to contain the immense Divine light of Redemption, they can easily fall into spiritual rebellion and disbelief. Often these people have very big souls, but lacking the vessels to perceive the all-encompassing cosmic truth of the Torah, they reject it as something antithetical from the freedoms and universal truths that they long for. This accounts for the heresy and terrible chutzpah of our times.

Nonetheless, while the headlines are focused on the political corruption in Israel, on the Intifadas and the threats of war, quietly, beneath this husk of evil, dozens of new yeshivas are opened, cities and settlements are built, a new advanced satellite is developed, a new insect-free lettuce is produced, more of our scattered exiles are gathered, and more and more Jewish children are born. All of these are aspects of Mashiach and the holy vessels of nationhood that we need to build. “We don’t have to worry about the Israelis,” the United States Secretary of State assures the President. “Look at all the problems they have.” That’s true when you focus on the darkness of the husks and don’t see the great light within. But one day soon, the world will wake up and the developed State of Israel will be world superpower #1.

Granted, this is a difficult concept. After all, everything that the Almighty has created, He has created is to manifest His glory. This includes garbage. Since it is G-d’s will that the Jewish People worship Him and rebuild their Statehood on the foundations of the Torah, can it be that He has servants working in an opposite manner creating mountains of garbage which counteract everything the Master has decreed? How can He allow all of this trash?

To explain this paradox, the Zohar teaches, in the famous parable of the harlot, that the purpose of evil is to bring forth the will of G-d. While the king wants his son to live a moral life and not succumb to temptation, he secretly hires a harlot and instructs her to seduce his son, in order to test his obedience to his father’s teachings. To resist her wiles and charms, the prince has to summon all of his inner resources and strengths. When he succeeds, the king grants him the highest of prizes and honors. Now who caused all of this grandeur to come to the prince? The harlot! (Zohar, Shemot, 163A).

Just as each one of us is called upon to conquer our evil inclinations in our personal lives, we, as a nation, are also summoned to separate the holy from the garbage in our national lives as well. This is the process of “birur” or selection that the Jewish Nation is experiencing today.

This estrangement from our own holy sources is but a passing illness. After two thousand years of exile among the nations of the world, we have returned to Eretz Yisrael to build our own unique Jewish State. But when we come back from our wanderings, our luggage is filled with both good things and bad. We have learned about socialism, and communism, capitalism, and democracy. In our school of hard knocks, we have learned how to be writers, scientists, statesmen, and soldiers. In the long school of galut, we have absorbed gentile concepts, corrupt dealings, and heretical teachings as well. It is our job to sift out the good from the bad and to re-establish our nation on the basis of Torah. The more garbage that there is, the harder each one of us has to work. The darker the husks, the more we have to strive to increase Torah in order to spread its light. Just as the dregs serve to preserve a fine wine, so does the existence of the wicked force the champions of spirituality and goodness to climb to greater heights, until they can reveal the glorious, universal, transcendental, Divine “ism” of Judaism, the paucity of which led to the spiritual rebellion and heresy of the past. In a nutshell, the more corruption, immorality, and evil, the holier we all have to be.

Rabbi Kook writes that although holiness, goodness, and faith will seem to suffer and weaken in the early stages of nation building, this is in reality the stimulus for the magnificent ascent that follows. “For after the decay of the refuse, the light of splendor and holiness will immediately begin to grow on healthy holy foundations” (Orot HaTechiya, 52).

But to bring about this world perfecting rectification, you have to be engaged in the battle. If you want to participate in the Redemption, you can’t sit on the sidelines, watching from thousands of miles away, afraid to get dirty.

You can't do the Divine work of selection by keeping away from the garbage. You have to buckle on your boots, grab your buckets and brooms, and climb onto the dump with the rest of us here. The garbage is waiting for you. And also an incredible, indescribable good. If you come with a willing heart and a firm trust in G-d, then you won’t even notice the smell on your shoes. I promise.

7/16/07

It's been a while...

Since I've done my addition to this blog...

Here's my vent..

The "City of Rehovot" is on a cleaning spree.

Instead of cleaning the streets, fixing smaller streets and cleaning the smaller parks and this mountain thing next to my home (in Hebrew they call it "Gvil")... they decide to go on a "cleaning spree of the signs"

I've been trying to hang up "metapelet" signs all over and cannot do it everywhere...

Why?

Now I don't know why people think street poles look "dirty" and "ugly" with signs offering services, help, and lectures... many people look towards that as free advertising and look for services. Like, hello? I called one of the weekly magazines here and they want 175 shekel for a 2 week advertisement. Compared to another that only wanted 50 shekel for 5 weeks!

There are stickers stating "600 shekel fine if you hang something up here"

I had to run back out and look to see where I hung up my signs, if there was stickers there too now before I get fined!

Okay maybe I'm not making any sense...

But I'm trying hard to make a living at home - for at least another year! I don't like the Maon system for kids under age 2 here and I would love to take care of children - I've been doing it since age 7! Starting with my younger brother, babysitting, in 6th grade I was entertaining the 1st graders in school, arranging 2nd graders for their dance project, babysitting 9 brothers and sisters when I was 14, going away for the summer and living with a family taking care of their kids, babysitting till age 18, then being a Daycare Assistant and Teacher for ages 6 1/2 weeks old till age 4!

And the #1 thing that isn't nice... kids passing by your sign on the street and just ripping it down...

7/5/07

Believe. And be brave. And come home.

June 22, 2007 by Daniel Gordis ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Did you read the article in HaAretz about Avrum Burg?" It was, of course, the question of the week. It was the same week that Shimon Peres was elected (now there's a phrase few of us ever thought we'd hear) Israel's next President, and the week that Gaza turned into Hamastan. It was also the week that Ehud Barak was named Defense Minister. But few of the people I hang out with were talking about Peres, Gaza or Barak. Everyone, it seemed, was talking about Burg, and the superb job that Ari Shavit, one of Israel's foremost journalists, had done interviewing him. This time, though, the question was coming from my son, on our way back from shul. "I did read it," I told him. "Did you?" "I read it twice," he said. "Twice?" "Yeah. I read it once, and then, when all my friends started talking about arguing about it, I read it again." "What'd you think?" I asked him. "No, what did you think?" The truth is, I was already thinking about something else. I was trying to remember whether, when I was a senior in high school, just weeks away from graduating, any article about nationalism, ideology or anything of the sort could have gotten my high school friends and me so worked up. And I couldn't think of anything. We grew up in a world, it now seems to me, about which we didn't have to think very much. Not so our kids. They're growing up in a world in which the very existence of the country in which they live is a matter of continued debate. They understand that Arab hatred of Israel is so deeply entrenched that it will flourish even when it destroys any hope for a better Palestinian future. They don't even get terribly surprised when British academia chooses to boycott Israeli academics. But when someone like Avrum Burg, a former speaker of the Israeli Knesset and the former head of the Jewish Agency, says that it's time for Israel to give up on being a Jewish state, or that the Jewish state doesn't have a soul, even that young-but-jaded generation takes note. But Avi deserved an answer. "I didn't think his critique was entirely wrong," I said, wondering what he would say to something like that. "Me neither," he said. "But I thought he was mostly wrong. And I thought that his conclusions were completely misguided." And then we started to talk. Though it's tempting to dismiss Burg and his critiques of Israel out of hand, that would be letting ourselves off the hook a bit too easily. Burg is clearly not wrong that three-quarters of a century of incessant warfare and loss have turned Israeli society into a rather militaristic one, with sometimes ugly consequences. "Israelis understand only force," he says. An overstatement, I think, but not a critique that any of us who care about this society should dismiss cavalierly. But the question is not whether he's right. The question is what we do about it. Burg is not wrong that there are racist elements in Israeli society. His prediction that the Knesset will one day prohibit sexual relations between Jews and Arabs is ridiculous, I hope, but again, it would be too easy to focus on Burg's excesses, and to deny the parts of his argument that aren't wrong. One fifth of this country is made up of Arab citizens, and most of my kids' friends have never met one, unless that person was doing some work in their house. Here, too, Burg's not entirely wrong. We're proof (as are many other societies) that living among hostile neighbors for generation after generation can breed xenophobia. But again, the question is what you do. Burg's suggestion? Adopt Gandhi's strategy, and get rid of Israel's nuclear weapons. Oh, Israel should cease seeking to be a Jewish State. And then, every Israeli who can, should get a second passport. Timing's everything, they say. Burg's book (available so far only in Hebrew) came out as Iran moves inexorably closer to nuclear capability. It came out less than a year after Hizbollah, an Iranian proxy, demonstrated that the IDF is no longer the invincible force we once imagined it was. And it came out just as Hamas took over Gaza, extending Iran's conventional-weapon reach to the very edge of many of Israel's cities. And in the face of Iran, Syria, Hezbollah and Hamas, Burg thinks we should become Gandhi. That prescription makes sense, of course, if you want to give up on the enterprise. And Burg clearly does. He insists that we're psychological cripples, wounded by Hitler and incapable of recovering, and that our wounds color everything about this society. He's right that we're wounded. What the Jewish world went through not only from 1938-1945, but for decades before, has clearly shaped much of our worldview. And 60 years of war since 1947 haven't helped. Burg wants to know to where we should run. And I'd rather ask how we should heal. Burg believes that we'll be healthier in Brussels. We don't need this place any longer, he believes. "I see the European Union as a biblical utopia. I don't know how long it will hold together, but it is amazing. It is completely Jewish." (A direct quote.) Sounds a lot like the Jews of Cordova in 1485, or the Jews of Berlin in 1920. Or the Jews of West Los Angeles, Newton and the Upper West Side of New York today. About Europe, I think Burg's completely wrong. But one can still hope that America will continue to be a place of vibrant and vigorous cultural Jewish life. Yet even if it does, what's wrong with Burg's placing the hope for our survival on some other place, and what Burg knows but doesn't want to admit, is that outside of this place, the sorts of choices that Jews have to make are limited to a very particular set of spheres. Outside of this little slice of the planet, the vast majority of Jews do not have to back up their foreign policy sentiments with the lives of their sons and daughters. In America, Jews can vote one way or the other on amnesty for illegal immigrants, but only here does the question take on distinctly Jewish qualities. I don't think I was the only one gratified to hear Justice Minister Daniel Friedmann insist that Israel simply must take in the Darfur refugees who are making their way to Israel's borders. The Bible, he said, affords us no other choice. Had anyone asked me (which, of course, no one did), I would have added that a country created largely on the backs of people who had nowhere else to go when the world shut its borders and looked away, dare not forget that part of its history. I'm much less interested in why certain things happened to the Jews than I am in what the Jews have to be, given that those things did happen. Sixty-five years after boatloads of Jews were turned away from shore after shore, is there really any question about what we need to do when people fleeing Darfur end up at our border? (Does wandering the desert on the way from Egypt to Israel sound familiar?) Of course, everyone here understands that this could become a huge problem, if thousands and thousands begin to arrive. That's undeniable. And it's true that Israel's Jewish majority (which is necessary for Israel to be both Jewish and democratic) is shaky, with 20% of the population Arab, many of the Russian immigrants not technically Jewish, children of foreign workers petitioning to stay, etc. And that complexity, I think, is precisely the problem that comes with sovereignty, and is precisely the problem that we should celebrate, for it's key to this country having a soul. Some people disagree. The Chief Rabbi of Hebron, Dov Lior, recently insisted that Israel does not have to take these refugees in. "The poor of one's own country take precedence over other peoples' poor," he insisted, referring to the famous Talmudic principle in Bava Metzia. "We have enough problems of our own with immigration absorption. We need to take care of our own Sderot refugees and we do not have budget reserves. We have enough poor people in Israel. There are plenty of nations that can help those refugees besides us." I don't agree, and find it ironic (to put matters mildly) that Lior's own parents starved to death after his family was expelled from Poland and was wandering through the Soviet Union. But the irony's not the important part. What's significant is that we have a dispute between a (very secular) Minster of Justice quoting the Bible, and a well known rabbi quoting the Talmud. And in the midst of that, kibbutzim all over the south are adopting these families from Darfur, as is the city of Beer Sheva. Is the problem solved? Obviously not. But the very fact of the argument, and the beginnings of real action, make it hard for me to buy Burg's argument that Israel's soul is lost. Hurting? Absolutely. Calloused? Probably. But lost? No way. Burg's also distressed by the quality of Israeli writing, and again, sees the solution in the Diaspora. "There is no important writing in Israel. There is important Jewish writing in the United States." Obviously, what constitutes genuinely important writing could constitute an interesting debate. But perhaps not coincidentally, Burg's book came out during Hebrew Book Week in Israel, the annual festival of Hebrew writing and publishing that's taken place, without fail, every year since 1926. And this year, the press noted, about 6,000 new books were published in Israel. Not bad for a country with a population smaller than that of Los Angeles. Quantity, though, is surely not a guarantee of quality, and even if there were quite a few very good books, one can debate whether anything truly "important" emerged here. But what's emerged of late in the United States that's so "important"? Some great fiction, to be sure, like the work of Nicole Kraus, Michael Chabon, Jonathan Safran Foer, and the tireless Philip Roth, among others. In the non-fiction world, though, what truly "great" ideas have recently been introduced to the Jewish conversation? I can't think of any, to be honest. But I'm not surprised. We're living in a confusing age. Though many very good books this year were published in both countries, perhaps the reason that nothing comes to mind of genuinely mindset-altering significance is that none of us yet knows precisely what to say about the collapsing ideologies on which many of us were raised. For those who were nurtured on the classic Zionist notion of Israel as a haven for Jews, it is of no small significance that Israel is probably the most dangerous place to be a Jew. With Ahmadenijad to the east, Hezbhollah to the North, Hamas to the south-west and a host of other players all contributing, even Paris doesn't compare to the lurking threat with which Israelis have to contend. That portion of early Zionist ideology has clearly come crashing down. And for those who believed that Israel's victory in the Six Day War heralded the coming of the Messiah, Israel has turned her back on that messianic possibility. Admittedly, many of us may not think in those theological terms (I don't think most Jews think in any theological terms, for that matter, theology being an ex post facto language for commitments to which we've already come for other reasons), but some people here did. And those people, it must be noted, were the vanguard of the new Zionism. Say what you want about the settlements (and Gershom Gorenberg's book about the settlements, Accidental Empire, deserves to read by people on both sides of the political divide), the people who populated them were the new blood and energy for Zionism. As these ideologues see the world, Israel abandoned them. When Israel gave back Sinai, Gaza and took steps (by electing Olmert) towards getting rid of the West Bank, too, Israelis turned their back on the messiah. On God. Given that, is it hard to understand the fissures in the ideological commitment of religious-Zionist youth? And what about the "other" youth? They, of course, are the children of the peace-niks, of those who believed that all it would take was a bit of territorial compromise, and two reasonable peoples would divide this land and live in peace, side by side. But that dream, of Jews and Arabs sitting in the hills of the Judean desert, smoking peace pipes and singing "Kumbaya", is probably further away than it has ever been. (It's perhaps a token of Israel's deeply-entrenched optimism that on the same week that Hamas' conquest of the Gaza strip marked the end of any possible accommodation with the Palestinians for the foreseeable future, the Knesset elected as Israel's next President practically the only living person who still believes in the possibility of the "New Middle East.") These kids, too, step towards the future without the ideological underpinnings that their parents had at the same age. The Jews of the world are no longer certain what they should believe in. Theology is dead. History wounds. Zionism is shaken. Israel is living - "hanging on" is probably more apt - in a post ideological era, with an uncertain and undefined future. It would be nice to have some genuinely important Jewish books appear, but with the Jewish world's assumptions so up-ended, is it any surprise that they are slow in coming? So Burg's not entirely wrong. This is a society plagued by many ills. But again, the question is what you do about it. Some Israelis (and many of Israel's supporters in the Diaspora) would rather pretend that the problems don't exist. Other Israelis are ready to throw in the towel, pointing, like Burg, to the ills that plague us, preferring to flee rather than to work. Some of us, though, still want to slog through and work, because we believe that a Jewish State that's not Jewish and decent ought not exist, but that a Jewish people without a Jewish state has no chance of surviving. So, to save not only the State, but the People as well, we're going to stick it out see what we can build here. We'll try to fight to stay alive and to be decent at the same time. And we'll try to figure out a way to educate another generation of kids, pre- and post-army, who can speak intelligently about Judaism, Zionism, humanism and history, whether they're left or right, religious or secular. That, more than anything else, is probably what will save this place. But the solutions to Burg's list of ills are long-term fixes, and this will be a wounded, broken place for a good, long time. That's why it was a welcome relief, given the past few weeks, that Avi's high school graduation came last night. Given the virtually religious obligation that most Jewish parents feel to rag on their children's schools, I should note that Avi graduated from one of the best high schools I've ever seen. I went to an excellent high school in Baltimore, and his was infinitely better. In last night's informal ceremony (a few of the kids wore ties, but many more wore sneakers and shorts - this is Israel), there was a refrain among virtually everyone who spoke. Teachers, principal, a parent - they all spoke about the combination of openness and commitment that characterizes the kids. The intellectual and religious openness. The Zionist and religious commitment. The insistence on thinking for themselves. "Our generation failed," the parent who spoke basically said, "and it's up to you to make this place into what we dreamed it could be." And, though the talks were all very different, each ended with an implicit reference to what no one explicitly said all night - some of these kids are going to the army now, but all will be in the army within a year, and these are not simple days to be getting drafted. Thus, each person who spoke ended with virtually the same words. Tze'u le-shalom, ve-shuvu sheleimim u-vri'im. "Go in peace, and come back to visit, whole and healthy." Because given what these kids are soon about to do, no part of that can be taken for granted. Professor David Hartman, the key personality behind the founding of the school some twenty years ago, also spoke to the kids. "Don't give up on what you believe in," he said, reminding them of the values that the school is all about. And then, he concluded: "Be brave out there Be brave, but don't be careless. Take care of yourselves. And come back in peace." And as I watched more than a few parents wipe away a tear, hugging their younger children still sitting next to them, it was clear. The ideologies are wounded, and so are our souls. About that, Burg is clearly correct. But that's why the people at last night's ceremony - and their sons - aren't throwing in the towel. For they understand that the healing can't happen any place else but here. Avrum Burg can enjoy his second passport. And he can myopically call Europe a "Jewish utopia." He can make a life in France. It sounds great, and for his sake, I'm glad he's found something in which to believe. But our kids, I think, have been brought up both to stare reality squarely in the eye, and, at the same time, to understand that this place is the only chance the Jewish people will ever have to heal and to flourish. They get it, and they're on board. Last night, it was clear that Burg notwithstanding, this place isn't going down so quickly. The kids read Burg's interview, and argued about it. Some probably agreed more, and some probably agreed less. At the end of the day though, it wasn't Burg, once a rising star of Israeli politics, who told them what they needed to hear. It was a rabbi, a professor, one of contemporary Judaism's most important thinkers (who, Burg might note, chose to leave North America and to live here) in a school, wishing them - quite literally - "fare well." "Remember what you believe in. Be brave out there. Be brave, but don't be careless. Take care of yourselves. And come back here whole, and in peace." Amen to that.

7/4/07

T.I.R.E.D.

So here's how my last 24 hours have been..... Yesterday was a fast day. My coworker was off and there was NOTHING to do all day - not even EAT! I ended up with a bad headache. Then DH phoned me to ask if I would mind taking a taxi to pick up the car from the garage as he was under pressure with work and didn't have time. Fine. Did that and just about crawled through the front door on hands and knees. He saw I was on my last legs so he took the kids out for felafel so I could sleep away the end of the fast. Boy did I need that sleep! Got up at 8:30, ate and started in on my homework for the presentation at school next week. I asked DD10 to take care of DD2 last night because I just don't have time. She fed her, bathed her, and put her to bed. What a big help! DD2 went down at around 9:30 but flopped about in bed until.....almost midnight! Moaned and wailed and complained.....But she finally fell asleep. I went to bed at 2 a.m. and DD2 was up again from 3:30 to 5 a.m. Just bouncing around a dark house, harrassing the cat, disturbing her big sister's slumber, disturbing MY rare hours of slumber.......I was crying with fatigue at 3:30. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew I could sleep later when she's at gan but the thought of having to stay awake on next to NO sleep and get through a full work day is just TOO MUCH to bear! I have to stay up late again tonight in order to stay on schedule and then tomorrow night we have to put in appearance at my sister-in-law's birthday party which starts at the ungodly hour of TEN P.M.!!!!!!!!!!! We're not going to get back from there until 2 a.m. either.

7/3/07

Fumbles and Foibles and Sad News

So I'm due to present my final project at school a week from tomorrow - in Hebrew. In front of a LOT of people. Now - I do NOT - repeat - DO NOT - speak in public. In any language. So I am NOT a happy camper. Does the term MEGA STRESS mean anything to ya? So yesterday morning, in the mad rush to get everyone out the door, I was running late, DH was trying to burn a disc for me of my school project files and had lots of questions about it, DD10 was going out the door to her first day of summer camp and needing something, not sure what, and DD2 was being less than cooperative with getting dressed and out the door to gan. I had three people YAPPING at me so I yelled: "I can't listen to three people at once!" So in the end I heard no one. DH carried on with burning the disc, DH10 left for camp and I never did figure out what she wanted/needed and I dropped DD2 off at gan in a less than chipper mood. Felt bad about that for the rest of the day. Then..... Wait....it gets better..... DD10 has been pestering me for a haircut. First she wanted bangs. So I gave her some bangs. The next day she was whining that they look ridiculous because her hair is a bit wavy so her bangs don't lay flat but poke up all over the place. I had made an appointment for a haircut and hair coloring this morning for myself so I took her with me to see if my hair dresser could do something with her bangs (she couldn't). We had to be there at 6:45 this morning. By the time we got out of there she started whining that she was hungry. We were out of the house so early she didn't have time to eat anything. So I stopped off at the makolet one street over from the hairdresser's and gave her money to run in and buy some crackers or something. So she comes out, "They have 2 packages of crackers for 10 shekels but I don't like them." I told her to go buy a different kind. She comes back out, "They don't have any other kinds. Can I buy some nosh?" I said no. So she goes in again and comes back out, "Can I buy a bageleh chamah (hot bagel)?" I said yes and she finally comes out with something to eat. Whew! And all the while I'm sitting there in the car seating bullets because it's getting later and later and I'm late for work, still have to pick DH and DD2 up and drop DD2 off at gan, I'm getting more and more irritated every time she comes out to ask me can I have this, can I have that......I lost it with her and said some not nice things about her indecisiveness. Things I wish I hadn't said. I felt bad after I said it and apologized and explained that when she is so indecisive at times when I am running late as it is, it drives me UP THE WALL! I do need to go over it with her again this evening but.....I can't take back what I said. And then to top things off, the 20-something year old son of a coworker of mine had a serious heart episode in England where he was studying art and has been in a medication induced coma for the last 2 weeks. I heard today that the doctors are trying to bring him out of the coma now but he is not responding..........it's so sad and scary and IT'S NOT FAIR! These are the things that make my stressful morning regain its rightful proportions. These are the things that make you want to rush home and FEEL your kids, look into their eyes, hug them until they can't breathe. Which is what I'm going to do tonight..... So many parents around the world who have lost kids in tragic circumstances would give anything for another chance to do just that one more time......